Skynet is coming or How I learned to stop worrying and love the machine

There are some news stories that are interesting, some are heartwarming, some are informative and still others seek to terrify.

I don't think the BBC is trying to be scary but check this out.

Robots to get their own internet

That's right, they're calling it RoboEarth. We all know that evil robot overlords are one of a handful of probable apocalyptic scenarios and this seems to confirm that theory.

In Terminator, Skynet was a sophisticated defense system that not only could learn but eventually became self aware. When someone tried to shut it off, it nuked the world.

I dunno about you, but I have a zombie contingency plan that is easily adaptable to several apocalyptic scenarios but it wouldn't help against Robot Overlords.

What good is my Soviet-era gun against them? Nada. So here are some things you'll need to consider when our once benevolent Tom-Toms and iPods and turn on us.

1. Remember, it will all be over soon
Unlike a human based apocalypse or even the zombie scenario where long term survival is possible, that's not the case here.
Either scientists and the military will win (HIGHLY unlikely) or the robots will. Since the robots are smarter and think way faster and control all of our satellites and such, the Robots will kill you.
The best case scenario is something like the Matrix where the machines find a use for us.
Nevertheless we are programmed to survive so I assume you're going to give it a try.

2. Be Vigilant
Timing is key in survival. Be looking for the first signs of the war. In 2007 and robo-lawn mower killed a Danish man. One incident might be ignorable, but if there are more than 2 robocasulties in a week, follow step three.

3. Get the F--- out of Dodge
When the computers all become friends and inevitably see us as enemies, they'll move fast. Before you know it On Star will have you locked out of your car, your home security system will call you an intruder and (possibly floating) robot assassin cops will be on the way.

You need to get away deep into the wilderness. I recommend somewhere wet and dark or somewhere hot and sandy. Anywhere that is bad for computers....of course that's usually also bad for humans but this is the end times so don't whine about comfort.
It may take the computers some time to adapt enough to extreme environments to come kill you, giving you time to document what's happened and leave it behind for a future generation of aliens that may one day kill the robots and take over Earth.


4. Cannibalism, get over it
As the Robots wipe out all life food will get scarce. Killing other tribes of survivors and eating them is one way to get by. Also, no point burying you dead.

5a. Go for the Gusto
If you really want to survive you need to do a couple things. Hide out too long and they will find you. You MUST act!

Find a friend who knows a lot about computers, a retired special forces colonel, an annoying person you don't care about who can die and a love interest. Be careful not to select an android for your merry band, they're you're only hope.

5b. You mastermind the human rebellion but it fails. You will be killed soon. To stay sane, start thinking of really cool ways to die.

You'll feel better about the oncoming silence if you think of exciting ways to go out in a blaze of glory. If the last man is going to die, make it a good death.


So there you have it, some depressing lunchtime reality about how it's all going to end. If you need a minor pick me up, I recommend this whimsical diddy by Jonathon Coulton called Chiron Beta Prime.

Enjoy.